Shanghaied/Transcript: Difference between revisions

MISHA: "Then it's a good thing we came to wake you

MISHA: "If you're busy, though, you don't have to! It's not like your presence is absolutely, absolutely required! Hahahaha!"

NARRATOR: "I've never seen more weakly disguised reverse psychology in my life. I feel kind of tired today, and my teachers in my classes might want to know where I am. Maybe. On the other hand, I haven't really been into town at all since I've gotten here, so this is a good reason to head there. Also, I could use something to eat. If it's Shizune's treat, even better; I'm totally broke."

NARRATOR: "We make it to the tea shop with a fifteen-minute walk. It seems that we are the only customers around."

NARRATOR: "By that, I mean is it always this empty."

NARRATOR: "We take our seats at a large, square wooden table, and it hits me that I don't know what this place serves. I just went with what Yuuko recommended the last time."

NARRATOR: "That was a strange amount of zest."

NARRATOR: "I look around the store and can't see anything resembling a menu. I don't understand, what's up with this place? What gives? Is this some kind of secret shop? Can you normally only enter here with a secret handshake? Some kind of wink and a nod? Do you need someone to vouch for you? A blood oath? Dammit, it was nothing like this last time."

HISAO: "Ah, well, that's... Not just tea, right? Not only tea? There's other stuff too, right?"

NARRATOR: "They're playing another joke on me. There is no way out of this; all I can do is brace myself for the inevitable, oncoming burn. I almost want to walk out of the store, but I'm already sitting down. It would be improper to leave now; the unspoken rules of polite social conduct block my exit like a wall of fire. I decide to play it safe. I'll order what they order, if it's acceptably manly enough."

MISHA: "Well, I guess you've had enough. We're sitting on the menus, of course~! Hahaha!"

NARRATOR: "I look around at the other tables. There are no menus on any of them. That means they must just keep them in a big stack near the door or something. What a thing to sit on, and what speed to grab them so quickly."

NARRATOR: "I tell them that I'd just like some coffee and put my head down on the cool tabletop."

NARRATOR: "I can tell they're messing with me again."

NARRATOR: "I can't drink that, I would feel too guilty."

NARRATOR: "How?"

NARRATOR: "Misha calls for Yuuko, who brings over our drinks and a single incredibly tiny yellow cake with a little black plastic fork stuck in it for each of us. I eat my cake in one bite, amazed at how it's probably the least filling thing I've ever eaten."

NARRATOR: "Misha takes a gulp of her tea, something sounding suspiciously high class even though it looks like ordinary tea. She drinks with incredible recklessness considering how hot it is. The exact opposite of Shizune or Lilly. Plans? That sounds ominous."

HISAO: "Plans? Yes. Yes, I am incredibly busy tomorrow. In fact, I have so much to do that I will not have any free time at all. That's right... none whatsoever. And everything I have to do is extremely important. Very, very important."

NARRATOR: "Misha giggles, clearly not buying it, and then signs it all back to Shizune, who nods slowly and deliberately while looking very unamused. Suddenly, she leans forward, staring analytically at my face like a human lie detector, waiting for the smallest tell to give me away. After at least a minute of this, she sits back down in her seat and takes a sip of tea."

MISHA: "Okay, Hicchan, if you're that busy. We don't have anything to do tomorrow, so we thought maybe you would want to hang out with us at the festival! You're new here, anyway, right? Right? So~ we thought we would show you around and have some fun together, but if you're that busy, we understand!"

NARRATOR: "The both of them shrug together in perfect sync, as if they've rehearsed it."

MISHA: "...And you'll never beat me anyway, so why bother getting so worked up about it? Haha! Wow, Shicchan~!"

NARRATOR: "Is she talking about the coercion? I never realized that was just a game to her. I thought I was the only one who saw it as competition."

NARRATOR: "I can see Shizune smiling craftily, daring me to enter this battle of wills and wits with her. When he is pushed to the edges of despair, a man has no choice but to sink, or grasp at the fleeting wisps of hope, fight with all his power against the inevitabilities of his fate and struggle against the impossible. For even if he fails, at least fail knowing that he dared greatly... ...Or something like that."

NARRATOR: "That's a blatant lie."

NARRATOR: "This is a very dangerous game I'm playing. Shizune herself is a very dangerous girl, if she can only think in terms of winning and losing. If she views every time that I talk with her as some kind of battle of wills, I don't think I could take it. That kind of thing drives people insane. She's too Machiavellian; before this I'd assumed she was just kind of stoic. But nevertheless, I'm interested. In hindsight, I realize that I just challenged her to what is essentially a duel without any rules that won't end until one of us... what? I guess that's it. That's so vague. What are the conditions for winning or losing? The first person to feel stupid loses?"

MISHA: "Oh, come on... It's just for fun, anyway! Between friends~! It's about causing humiliation, suffering, and absolute despair! Isn't that the point?"

NARRATOR: "Although in comparison to what I was afraid she would say, it's pretty mild."

NARRATOR: "This is going to have me constantly on edge for weeks."

NARRATOR: "I quickly down the rest of my coffee as Shizune does the same, staring at me with a fierce look of competition in her eyes. It seems like a waste for her to be gulping down something that someone may have died for her to enjoy."

NARRATOR: "I mumble unintelligibly at her."

NARRATOR: "It's time to think. Shizune's drink is smaller, but I can consume mine faster. If Shizune finishes her drink first, she might skip out on paying, leaving me to pick up the tab, even though she said the drinks were on her. Because I have no money on me, I would be humiliated, and therefore this could be considered a loss. If I finish first, the laws of chivalry would make me look like a jerk, as I would need to run out of this teahouse, leaving her to pay for everything. That could also be considered a loss. She would use that. In the event of a draw, she may attempt to run out the door, and I'll probably do the same. This might lead to a collision at the door, which would be humiliating, but not overly so. ...And Misha would be left to pick up the tab. This is really childish. I'm a little disappointed in Shizune, and myself."

NARRATOR: "Misha seems oblivious to the fact that an epic battle of wills is raging in front of her. I nod slowly and down the last of my coffee."

"If you lose, you have to come hang out with us tomorrow."

NARRATOR: "I forgot for a second that she can't hear me. I nod. Right now, she seems much cuter than she usually is, smiling softly with a hint of confidence coming through. Shizune looks energetic and carefree, although it could just be the caffeine. She winks, and extends her hand for a handshake. I wonder if there's a buzzer in there and she plans to shock me, but that doesn't seem like something she would do, so I accept. With a squeeze, she pushes another note into my hand. I momentarily think that it's a buzzer and wonder if the shock could kill me. Shizune smirks and then runs off."

"You probably don't know how to get back to school from here.

There will be work waiting for you when you do. See you then~"

NARRATOR: "About an hour and a half later, I walk the long paved path leading from the gates to the main building."

NARRATOR: "Misha and Shizune had laid an ambush for me in the main lobby of the ground floor and I walked straight into it. I should have just circled around the school like I had originally planned, but I thought that I was overreacting and being silly. Misha is waving a thick stack of printouts in my general direction, taunting me."

NARRATOR: "Misha speaks with her usual playful, carefree manner, but even so I can hear Shizune's unnervingly hard severity behind it."

NARRATOR: "She doesn't sound very sorry at all."

MISHA: "More hands make light work! And everybody wins! Hahahahaha!"

MISHA: "This is your duty, after all, as a member of the Student Council. Which you are a part of. As a member. Of the Student Council. Ahahaha~!"

MISHA: "And we'd really appreciate your help! Really, really appreciate it! Besides, it's time to pay back for us treating you so nicely!"

NARRATOR: "But why did she bring that up, then?"

NARRATOR: "I don't even get to finish my sentence as they grab me by the arms and try to pull me towards their office. Misha laughs giddily as she and Shizune exchange sly looks behind my back."

MISHA: "Ah, I don't think you have a choice in this, Hicchan! Hahahaha! There are two of us, so don't even try to get away, now! Don't take us lightly!"

HISAO: "All right, all right! How could I forget? But, seriously, aren't there other people who can help you?"

MISHA: "Like who, Hicchan? You were fine with helping us yesterday..."

NARRATOR: "Misha's laughter explodes through the hall. She doesn't notice the grimace on my face at all. That's right, it's just the two of them, isn't it?"

NARRATOR: "Misha runs her tongue over her teeth, looking quite pleased."

NARRATOR: "When we get to the student council room, my jaw drops. The number of signs, backing boards, and signposts is insane. They're stacked all over the place like building materials at a construction site, something I let Shizune and Misha know right off the bat."

MISHA: "Eh? No? How do you know that, Shicchan?"

NARRATOR: "Shizune hesitates, then pushes her glasses up a bit as Misha lets out a very uneasy sounding laugh. So she has considered it."

HISAO: "All right, all right. I feel sort of lied to, though. I thought you said it wouldn't be that much work?"

MISHA: "This is just a bad year. Fewer people than usual, even though we already didn't have many the year before. And then there's just a lot more work than before, too."

NARRATOR: "Two hours pass, and I reach for a tack only to find the box is empty. Shizune grabs it before I can even say anything. She smiles, tossing it expertly into a trash can along with another empty box of tacks."

NARRATOR: "Something about that strikes me as odd."

MISHA: "Ah, well, actually, Hicchan, we ran out twenty minutes ago, and there was only one spare box of tacks, the ones we gave to you. And you were flying through those pretty quickly, so~! we thought that we should wait until we both had no more tacks before getting more! Then, Shicchan could go get fresh boxes of tacks for all of us at the same time. You know, for efficiency~!"

NARRATOR: "Shizune nods, preparing to step out the door."

NARRATOR: "Shizune and Misha exchange knowing glances before they give me a perfectly synchronized and incredibly exaggerated simultaneous shrug."

NARRATOR: "I turn immediately to Shizune, who gives me a curt wave and a surprisingly cheery smile before quickly vanishing out the door. Well then why didn't you just say you wanted to take a break!? I used to think that Shizune and Misha were polar opposites. Misha always seems so energetic and playful, like any other girl. Shizune, on the other hand, always seemed distant. Aggressively manipulative and vaguely scary, but distant. There were times when I thought that she had no sense of humor. As cute as she was, I'd almost never seen her smile. Not to mention all the other things. The analytical stare, the permanently stoic expression, and even her penmanship; so mechanically precise that everything she writes looks typed. But Shizune and Misha really aren't as different as I'd thought."

NARRATOR: "What I mean to say is, I didn't know that she could act so girlish. It was actually pretty cute."

NARRATOR: "I've always been curious as to how these two met."

MISHA: "Haha... Sorry, Hicchan, it's not anything like that, even if it would be cuter that way. When I came to this school, they just placed me next to Shicchan, and she looked like a very serious person. And I thought, “I'm going to be spending the rest of the year next to this person, maybe! So it would be nice if we could be friends! But~, I wonder if she'll like me.” And I learned that she was deaf. You know, Hicchan, the first time I just thought she was ignoring me~! But, luckily, I knew a little sign language, and we became friends."

MISHA: "That's it? You look disappointed, Hicchan, what were you expecting? Ahahahahaha! You know, Hicchan, I don't think that me and Shicchan thanked you properly."

MISHA: "That's an interesting thing to say, Hicchan. Shicchan really appreciates you helping us out too."

NARRATOR: "She throws two boxes of tacks on the floor with a wry smile."

NARRATOR: "Misha opens her mouth to speak, but then quickly closes it as Shizune suddenly crumples her juicebox with a crunch like the sound of breaking bones."

NARRATOR: "I can tell that each harsh, quaking hand gesture is most likely an epithet."