Akira Satou: Difference between revisions
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Galaxy Films, the makers of Midnight Animal, more controversial than any celebrity scandal (Which is saying alot), were frankly in a pickle. Their star actor went from family friendly hero to demented serial killer. The movie wasn't so popular with Jacket Jack-offs because it didn't portray Jacket as a man who built houses for the crippled and poor. And frankly, quoted by Pardo, "Who wants to watch a movie about the Jacket Jack-off when you can have a grip on my thick foreskin?", which is all very true. | |||
Rouven Blankenfield, director on Midnight Animal, needed 'redemption'. | |||
{{-}} | "Yo, hooker, I'm a wreck, you accidentally killed my star actor, and Midnight Animal was a total flop." | ||
"Director Blankenfield, I have an actual name." | |||
"Well, too bad missy, Martin had an ACTUAL life." | |||
'Hooker' then broke into tears, "Oh, Rouven, it was just that he always raped me...." | |||
"Who the hell cares? We got banned in Austrailia for that scene, just one little rape and you cry like a little bitch, get a grip, woman." | |||
Pardo overheard this conversation, with his thick skinned ears he was born with. As a man of justice and opportunity, he knew the public would adore his struggle of fighting the Miami Mutilator while raising public concern for that dastardly fiend. | |||
"Excuse me, sir. I couldn't help but over hear your conversation. If I could make a suggestion..." | |||
With Pardo's incredible diction and eloquent speech, the director and 'hooker' were down to tears, they knew the case of the Miami Mutilator would be a great story. One where the protagonist was a hero, and not a furry freak who bangs a chick in a horse mask. | |||
SCENE 12 OF "MANNY PARDO, LOOSE CANNON COP WHO DON'T PLAY BY NOBODY'S RULES": | |||
"Oh, do you know what happens to miserable thugs like you?" | |||
"OH GOD, HELP ME!!! THEY ABDUCTED ME, MARK, COREY, YOU STILL BREATHING? WHERE ARE YOU ALEX AND ASH? I CAN DEAL WITH YOUR INCEST, JUST PLEASE, ANYONE ELSE, NOT HIM!!!" welped Tony like a little girl (the fucking retard is too autistic to hold guns too). | |||
<nowiki>*</nowiki>CUT* | |||
The director interupted, "Look, Tony, for the last time, show some goddamn respect. You are working with detective Pardo here, he is doing alot just to put food on our tables, so at least get into your role." | |||
"WHAT!?!?!" blared Tony, "YOU GUYS FUCKING KIDNAPPED ME AND KILLED MY FRIENDS, WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'GET IN ROLE', IS THAT A FUCKING CAMERA?!?!? ARE YOU FUCKING RECORDING THIS?" | |||
The director sighed, "Okay", he stated, "Take two, aaaaand ACTION!" | |||
"Do you know what happens to thugs like you?" | |||
"Uh...uh....I surrender! Don't hurt me, man. Please, I wasn't with those jack-offs, don't do this. The Miami Mutilator is so much better to w-worship, we should've been Mutilator munchkins instead of Jacket J-Jack-offs." | |||
"Ggrrrrr. YOU JUST WANT YOUR 15 MINUTES OF FAME" | |||
<nowiki>*</nowiki>POW* | |||
"AAAAND CUT" bellowed the director in a satisfied tone, "Golden work people! Uh, cleaning crew, clean up on scene 12 in the closet area of the scene, okay? Thanks." | |||
Pardo was at the bar with director Blankenfield, critics were already giving the movie high rankings without having seen it. | |||
"11/10, HAVE MY NEWBORN CHILDREN" -MIAMI TIMES | |||
"112/2, WAS MADE WITH THICK SKIN" -FLORIDA GAZETTE | |||
"-11/0.1989. TOO HANDSOME FOR ME." - Th3 M14M1 MUT1L4T0R | |||
Pardo walked into the director's office, things have been slow, especially for the final scene, called "Caught". And also Pardo had some urgent questions to ask the director. | |||
Pardo read the script and saw the horror of it all. THEY MADE HIM THE MIAMI MUTILATOR!!! This was obviously some sort of media garbage made by Columbian communists to defame him. Apparently he was supposed to walk into his apartment to find a puppet, kill his fellow lawmen, and end up dying. He knew what happened to Martin Brown, this was a setup! And worst of all, it played Slum Lord by Mega Drive, not something fitting of Pardo's status, like Bloodline - Scattle, or Technoir - Perturbator (Feat. Noir Deco. But honestly who gives a fuck about that guy, am I right?). | |||
The director came in, and said in a mellow tone. "Oh, Pardo.", he said in a calm voice, "I wasn't expecting you here." | |||
"I have some....questions." Pardo said in a serious tone. | |||
Pardo tied up the director and put him near a lamp light, it was time for Detective Pardo to use his skillful and highly competent interrogation skills. | |||
Pardo pointed his trusty revolver at the director, "Look, first question," said Pardo, "Why am I the Miami Mutilator in this movie?" | |||
The director then squirmed and answered "To attract more views of course, everyone loves a twist in the end, even if it kills off the main character." | |||
"That sounds pretty damn stupid if you ask me," stated Pardo, "Whoever would do something like that must really like screwing with their fanbase and love delaying projects. Now, for question two, why a puppet?" | |||
"Simple really," the director replied smugly, "People are scared of puppets and it is used to represent your guilt as the Miami Mutilator." | |||
"Third question," bellowed Pardo, "Is that last scene supposed to actually kill me? Like you did with Martin Brown?" | |||
"For the last time, I have to keep repeating this to everyone? 'Hooker' killed him on accident, nothing more, we made sure to establish a no lead polic, which is why everyone in the company switched to graphite pencils. Graphite is non-toxic and more environmently safe too." | |||
Pardo then pulled up his sleeves, it was time for the serious questions. | |||
"Okay, the gloves come off now," Pardo said grimly, "Next question-" | |||
"I really have to go now, Pardo, I have a hot date coming up-" | |||
Pardo then pointed his gun towards the director, "I have your hot date right here if you are in such a hurry" | |||
The director sighed and nodded, "Okay, lay it on me" | |||
"Next question, why Mega Drive? Why not Perturbator or Scattle?" | |||
"Mega Drive is the cool hip thing these days, no one wants Perturbator and Scattle anymore, which is why we reduced their songs heavily for the movie in favor of more Mega Drive." | |||
"You have poor taste in music and better change that" Pardo said, clicking his finger right over the trigger. | |||
"I understand" admitted the director | |||
"Now, for the main questions. Why the fuck are you guys printing pictures of me on pillows? In fact, why are there Japanese subtitles for this movie? And why is it in some scenes of mine there are roses all over the screens border? In fact, who is the damned demograph of this sick flim?" | |||
"Female o-otakus", mumbled the director | |||
"English", Pardo demanded | |||
"Little girls in Japan who spend their entire days masturbating to native Japanese comics of homosexual men engaging in intercourse." | |||
<nowiki>*</nowiki>POW* | |||
"Rouven Blankenfield found dead in cable wires, Detective Pardo: The Movie cancelled." | |||
"Uh, detective Pardo, why'd you kill poor Rouven?" | |||
"He was coming at me, sir. (God, sometimes I hate this city)" | |||
Fin. | |||
{{-}} | |||
==Trivia== | ==Trivia== | ||
* | *MIAMI MUTILATOR IS ONLY A MATCH FOR THE HANDSOME AND DARING MIAMI MUTILATOR | ||
{{Katawa Shoujo Characters}} | {{Katawa Shoujo Characters}} | ||
Revision as of 09:28, 11 August 2015
Galaxy Films, the makers of Midnight Animal, more controversial than any celebrity scandal (Which is saying alot), were frankly in a pickle. Their star actor went from family friendly hero to demented serial killer. The movie wasn't so popular with Jacket Jack-offs because it didn't portray Jacket as a man who built houses for the crippled and poor. And frankly, quoted by Pardo, "Who wants to watch a movie about the Jacket Jack-off when you can have a grip on my thick foreskin?", which is all very true.
Rouven Blankenfield, director on Midnight Animal, needed 'redemption'.
"Yo, hooker, I'm a wreck, you accidentally killed my star actor, and Midnight Animal was a total flop."
"Director Blankenfield, I have an actual name."
"Well, too bad missy, Martin had an ACTUAL life."
'Hooker' then broke into tears, "Oh, Rouven, it was just that he always raped me...."
"Who the hell cares? We got banned in Austrailia for that scene, just one little rape and you cry like a little bitch, get a grip, woman."
Pardo overheard this conversation, with his thick skinned ears he was born with. As a man of justice and opportunity, he knew the public would adore his struggle of fighting the Miami Mutilator while raising public concern for that dastardly fiend.
"Excuse me, sir. I couldn't help but over hear your conversation. If I could make a suggestion..."
With Pardo's incredible diction and eloquent speech, the director and 'hooker' were down to tears, they knew the case of the Miami Mutilator would be a great story. One where the protagonist was a hero, and not a furry freak who bangs a chick in a horse mask.
SCENE 12 OF "MANNY PARDO, LOOSE CANNON COP WHO DON'T PLAY BY NOBODY'S RULES":
"Oh, do you know what happens to miserable thugs like you?"
"OH GOD, HELP ME!!! THEY ABDUCTED ME, MARK, COREY, YOU STILL BREATHING? WHERE ARE YOU ALEX AND ASH? I CAN DEAL WITH YOUR INCEST, JUST PLEASE, ANYONE ELSE, NOT HIM!!!" welped Tony like a little girl (the fucking retard is too autistic to hold guns too).
*CUT*
The director interupted, "Look, Tony, for the last time, show some goddamn respect. You are working with detective Pardo here, he is doing alot just to put food on our tables, so at least get into your role."
"WHAT!?!?!" blared Tony, "YOU GUYS FUCKING KIDNAPPED ME AND KILLED MY FRIENDS, WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'GET IN ROLE', IS THAT A FUCKING CAMERA?!?!? ARE YOU FUCKING RECORDING THIS?"
The director sighed, "Okay", he stated, "Take two, aaaaand ACTION!"
"Do you know what happens to thugs like you?"
"Uh...uh....I surrender! Don't hurt me, man. Please, I wasn't with those jack-offs, don't do this. The Miami Mutilator is so much better to w-worship, we should've been Mutilator munchkins instead of Jacket J-Jack-offs."
"Ggrrrrr. YOU JUST WANT YOUR 15 MINUTES OF FAME"
*POW*
"AAAAND CUT" bellowed the director in a satisfied tone, "Golden work people! Uh, cleaning crew, clean up on scene 12 in the closet area of the scene, okay? Thanks."
Pardo was at the bar with director Blankenfield, critics were already giving the movie high rankings without having seen it.
"11/10, HAVE MY NEWBORN CHILDREN" -MIAMI TIMES
"112/2, WAS MADE WITH THICK SKIN" -FLORIDA GAZETTE
"-11/0.1989. TOO HANDSOME FOR ME." - Th3 M14M1 MUT1L4T0R
Pardo walked into the director's office, things have been slow, especially for the final scene, called "Caught". And also Pardo had some urgent questions to ask the director.
Pardo read the script and saw the horror of it all. THEY MADE HIM THE MIAMI MUTILATOR!!! This was obviously some sort of media garbage made by Columbian communists to defame him. Apparently he was supposed to walk into his apartment to find a puppet, kill his fellow lawmen, and end up dying. He knew what happened to Martin Brown, this was a setup! And worst of all, it played Slum Lord by Mega Drive, not something fitting of Pardo's status, like Bloodline - Scattle, or Technoir - Perturbator (Feat. Noir Deco. But honestly who gives a fuck about that guy, am I right?).
The director came in, and said in a mellow tone. "Oh, Pardo.", he said in a calm voice, "I wasn't expecting you here."
"I have some....questions." Pardo said in a serious tone.
Pardo tied up the director and put him near a lamp light, it was time for Detective Pardo to use his skillful and highly competent interrogation skills.
Pardo pointed his trusty revolver at the director, "Look, first question," said Pardo, "Why am I the Miami Mutilator in this movie?"
The director then squirmed and answered "To attract more views of course, everyone loves a twist in the end, even if it kills off the main character."
"That sounds pretty damn stupid if you ask me," stated Pardo, "Whoever would do something like that must really like screwing with their fanbase and love delaying projects. Now, for question two, why a puppet?"
"Simple really," the director replied smugly, "People are scared of puppets and it is used to represent your guilt as the Miami Mutilator."
"Third question," bellowed Pardo, "Is that last scene supposed to actually kill me? Like you did with Martin Brown?"
"For the last time, I have to keep repeating this to everyone? 'Hooker' killed him on accident, nothing more, we made sure to establish a no lead polic, which is why everyone in the company switched to graphite pencils. Graphite is non-toxic and more environmently safe too."
Pardo then pulled up his sleeves, it was time for the serious questions.
"Okay, the gloves come off now," Pardo said grimly, "Next question-"
"I really have to go now, Pardo, I have a hot date coming up-"
Pardo then pointed his gun towards the director, "I have your hot date right here if you are in such a hurry"
The director sighed and nodded, "Okay, lay it on me"
"Next question, why Mega Drive? Why not Perturbator or Scattle?"
"Mega Drive is the cool hip thing these days, no one wants Perturbator and Scattle anymore, which is why we reduced their songs heavily for the movie in favor of more Mega Drive."
"You have poor taste in music and better change that" Pardo said, clicking his finger right over the trigger.
"I understand" admitted the director
"Now, for the main questions. Why the fuck are you guys printing pictures of me on pillows? In fact, why are there Japanese subtitles for this movie? And why is it in some scenes of mine there are roses all over the screens border? In fact, who is the damned demograph of this sick flim?"
"Female o-otakus", mumbled the director
"English", Pardo demanded
"Little girls in Japan who spend their entire days masturbating to native Japanese comics of homosexual men engaging in intercourse."
*POW*
"Rouven Blankenfield found dead in cable wires, Detective Pardo: The Movie cancelled."
"Uh, detective Pardo, why'd you kill poor Rouven?"
"He was coming at me, sir. (God, sometimes I hate this city)"
Fin.
Trivia
- MIAMI MUTILATOR IS ONLY A MATCH FOR THE HANDSOME AND DARING MIAMI MUTILATOR
| Emi Ibarazaki • Hanako Ikezawa • Hisao Nakai • Lilly Satou • Rin Tezuka • Shizune Hakamichi | |
| Akio Mutou • Akira Satou • Hideaki Hakamichi • Iwanako • Jigoro Hakamichi • Kenji Setou • Meiko Ibarazaki • Nurse • Shiina Mikado • Shinichi Nomiya • Yuuko Shirakawa | |
| Akio Hayashi • Aoi • Chiharu • Keiko • Miki Miura • Miyagi • Molly Kapur • Mrs. Satou • Naomi Inoue • Natsume Ooe • Rika Katayama • Sae Saionji • Saki Enomoto • Shopkeeper • Suzu Suzuki • Takashi Maeda • Taro Arai | |
| Haruhiko Suzumiya • Ikuno Komaki • Lezard Valeth • Misaki Kawana • Ritsu Tainaka | |
