Nobody's Room/Transcript

Evan and Pardo, two sensible men of muscle, were chatting it up at a local Miami pizza parlor. The two grown men, one a family man, the other an incredibly competent man of justice, were both sensibly discussing politics and current affairs.

Pardo blared at Evan, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY ILLEGALLY EXPORTED A BUNCH OF DISGUSTING HUSBANDO PILLOWS OF ME"

Evan then put his hand on Pardo's shoulder, "Look" assured Evan in a calm voice, "Many female otakus-"

Pardo then bursted once again, "WHAT THE FUCK IS AN OTAKU!?!?!?"

Evan sighed a deep breath and explained, "They are Japanese basement dweller that play erotic games, watch anime, read manga, sell there souls to the companies that produce merchandise for their favorite franchises, etc. You know, totally inert individuals who are little use to society."

Pardo then whispered under his breath, "Yeah..useless to society...like Jacket and Jacket Jack-offs"

Evan then continued, "Many female otakus in Japa-"

"Hold up", interrupted Detective Pardo, "You are saying that there are FEMALES who do that too?"

"Yes", said Evan again, "Now please let me continue"

Pardo then whispered to himself again, "They better be cute and not landwhales"

As Evan continued "Many female otakus in Japan are deprived of your thick foreskin, Manny. Which is why there is a huge demand. The Columbian mafia knew they could make a ton of money by selling husbando pillows for them to call their 'onii-chan' and cuddle every night. Women have needs, Pardo, but I doubt you understand that."

Meanwhile a fat man in a bear mask and vest walked in. After he had been friendzoned by his friend who could roll dodge, he was in an awkward trance with an odd sense of foreboding and disgust. He went up to the pizza man to request a pizza."

Pardo then yelled in anger at the top of his lungs while slamming his fist on the table. "THOSE DAMNED COLUMBIANS, I AM GOING TO WIPE THEM ALL OUT. FOR THEIR SAKE, THOSE GIRLS BUYING THESE BETTER BE CUTE AND HAVE GOOD GENES"

Mark, Evan, and the pizza guy both stared at Pardo in silence.

"Yo, Mark~" squealed Corey, "You coming with that pizza, or what?"

"C-c-c-coming" replied Mark like the thin skinned fucker he was, wobbling over to the van.

Pardo was too frustrated, the Columbians were on a higher priority list than those Jacket Jack-offs, so he had to save his strength.

Pardo then mumbled, "To think, they even installed thick skinned grips onto the crouch as a dildo for them, those Columbians should really be praying that their clients are cute if they are going to sell me out as a sex toy for basement dwellers."

"I-if it makes you feel better, Manny, not all of the clients might be girls." stumbled Evan.

Pardo then glared at Evan, "No, Evan" he stated, "That doesn't make me feel better at all."

Pardo then queried Evan, "Look, you say know alot about women? Then tell me, why did your wife and kids leave you?"

"Manny" said Evan in shock, "Don't bring up something so serious at a time like this"

"Look, Evan", Pardo said in a voice that meant business, "Was it really a good idea to write about Jacket and his Jacket Jack-offs?"

Evan counter argued "But, Manny...he got a movie"

Pardo replied calmly "Yeah, a movie. A movie that had an leading actor kill children and manage to get murdered in the end. Did you even see the controversies? Fox had enough content to resell for weeks."

"B-b-but, Manny" Evan muttered in a weak voice, "He was involved in a huge conspiracy..."

"Big conspiracy?" said Pardo in a cool voice, "All there was to it was that some racists were hiring thugs to kill Russians, that is it."

"Manny, look" replied Evan, "Jacket is the most dangerous serial killer in Miami and has his own fanbase."

Pardo then held his face in his hands, "Look, Evan, you realize the mysterious shadow killer, the Miami Mutilator, already has outdone that idiotic Rooster. Not to mention his fans consist of an obese pizza junkie, an incestuous gorelover (with good genes), a pussy of a mechanic, a guy who seems to live off of raw meat and steroids, and a girl with the disability to climb through windows.

"Uh" admitted Evan in defeat, "Pardo, you're right. But what do I do? I have been spending all this time on the book, how will I be able to write about your handsome efforts to stop the fearsome Miami Mutilator?"

"Don't worry", said Pardo in a heroic tone, he then placed a police file with indepth evidence of the Miami Mutilator.

"I don't know" said Evan in a hesitant voice, "You could get fired for this."

Pardo, like the saint he is, boldy announced to Evan, "Don't worry, that is what friends are for. This one is on the house. Just promise me you'll never say that I owe you one ever again."

"But, Manny, how can you really stop this Miami Mutilator perp by yourself?" said Evan like the confused idiot he was.

Pardo then boldly bolstered "Evan, I was born with thick skin"

"And a thick foreskin?" Evan chortled

*POW*

"Uh, Detective Pardo, why is there a dead man at the pizza parlor?"

"He was coming at me, sir."